Sunday, January 5, 2014

2014: The Year of Self-Realization

Here's the funny thing about resolutions, starting with the dictionary definition.


: the act of finding an answer or solution to a conflict, problem, etc. : the act of resolving something

The definition states finding an answer to a conflict or problem. That's coming to the generalization that something is wrong or incorrect. I like to think of life in a series of lessons rather than resolutions to prior mistakes. If that were not the case, I'd call 2013 a year of a bevy of mistakes and conflicts. What good does anger and resentment do but take up precious space in your mind? 

Thusly, I'd like to discover a few takeaway lesson from each prior year and create goals for the following year from them. Goals rather than resolutions are things and outcomes to aspire and work towards instead of solving previous issues. 

| one |
Lesson:  People can and will become square pegs you're trying to fit in your round-holed life. It's better to end things before it is painful and hurtful to have friendships with them. 

I won't go into much detail, but I learned this lesson, through a long and arduous path and should have listened to my heart, head, and advice I was given at the beginning of last year. Much to say, I didn't, and ended things with most of my friends after several hurtful events and too many unnecessary tears shed late last year. Because of this, I missed out on numerous opportunities to start on the path to find new friends. 

Goal: Focus on myself in a positive and unselfish manner, spiritually, physically, and mentally.

Spending the better part of the past couple of years, focused on the gaining the approval, admiration, and acceptance of others, I neglected those same things from myself, which has created this unhappy aura in my mind and heart. While I am in a successful and loving relationship with my boyfriend, I spent too much time hoping my friends would like me past the point of no return. My new vow is to love thyself and to not let the fear of loneliness overtake my personal space. I am the holder of my fate and thoughts, and I am choosing to be happy dependent on my own actions. 

| two |
Lesson: Jealously is an evil bitch. (No, I don't have a better way to explain this.)

Jealousy is this affliction that affects even the most righteous, though you may never see it openly on some, it's there. I have let jealously rear its ugly medusa head too many times to count. Calming the giant has never been an easy task for yours truly, I want to blame my only child syndrome, but that's a cop out. Jealously, at the end of the day, is only holding me back and create bout of anger and resentment, and it's not worth it. Someone once told me, the grass is always greener...., which the truth and should serve as my daily reminder, but it's easy to forget.

Goal: Be more accepting of others' triumphs, and don't use them as a standard for my own. 

This is going to be my hardest goal by far and I am going to struggle the most with this one. It's not that I wish other failure or that I want to always be the center of attention. Both things are false, I am not sure where the root of my jealously lies, it might have something to do with my need for constant success, approval and perfectionism, but I can't speak to the cause...just yet. This is going to be my learning curve for the year, and something I am eager to discover about myself. 

| three |
Lesson: Spending all your free time anxiously dissecting every detail of every conversation or choice, will get you nowhere but a white, padded room. 

I'll be the first to admit, this has been a life long struggle with me. I suffer from panic attacks from mild to debilitating, the severe being the most rare, but still occur a couple times a year. Don't sweat the small stuff is a mantra is easy to repeat over and over, but can be hard to put into action when you're in a three-sided cube in front of a computer eight hours a day, five days a week.  While in cohorts with its cousin jealously,  anxiety is something that can occur anytime either consciously or subconsciously. I let it get the best of me last year, and learned it only holds you back from conquering your fears and make your dreams into plans.

Goal: Don't let the fear of striking out keep me from playing the game. Also, what done is done, no sense living your life in a re-run. 

I picked clichés for the sole reason to help remind myself that this can be a fairly easy task if you let it. Life is incredibly short and I should stop saying next year or in two years for my dreams. Make them come true before they stop being your dreams. Secondly, I refuse to dwell in the past. Worrying about what I said or what I did only accentuates my anxiety and will never progress my life.

This year is going to be a completely new journey for me and I plan to document it as much as possible here, so that my 80 year self can pull this out of the archives to be proud of the positive moves I made and all the things I learned :)

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